The Way of a Man with a Maid

by Timothy Geftakys

The way of a man with a maid…a topic that never grows old through generations of thought and meditation and experience. Solomon, one of the wisest men of all time, thousands of years ago wondered at the way of a man with a maid, and men and women are still pondering this intriguing subject today. Christians are not excluded from the questions, dilemmas and perplexities that accompany the relationship between a man and a woman; perhaps wondering in light of their commitment to Christ how to handle the natural feelings and longings within them toward the opposite sex. Others in a position of counseling may be perplexed in light of this topic, because they want to be able to help and give good counsel in an age when “anything goes.”

            We can never really do justice to such a broad and universally appealing topic as relationships, but we can make an emphasis in light of Scriptural principles as to how Christians who want to honor the Lord ought to behave in their relationships. For the time being, let’s lay aside everything the marriage counselors of this world would say on the topic, and glean from the Word of God a few points of instruction concerning godly relationships. God the Father Himself has addressed the innermost needs of our lives; He has not left us alone to our own alternatives, but has provided everything we need through the instruction of His Word, the Bible. Indeed, He entreats us: “My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings. Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart. For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh” (Prov. 4:20-22).

The Christian’s Understanding

More often than not, what gets us into trouble in terms of relationships is the lack of understanding. Perhaps if Solomon were here today, he would say to young men and women: “Have a little understanding in the light of the normal desires of your heart.” God has put within us a desire for love and a relationship as expressed in marriage. To be attracted to a member of the opposite sex is good, normal, and healthy. But, there is a time and way to express and fulfill these desires. “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven….He [God] hath made every thing beautiful in his time” (Eccles. 3:1, 11). We live in a generation that demonstrates a lack of self-control and peace, particularly in relationships. Men and women are extremely restless and impatient today. Again, Solomon would say: “Have a little understanding…know that your life is made up of seasons.” As a fruit tree bears fruit in its season, so do our lives. God makes everything beautiful in His time. But, what happens so often in our relationships is this: we see the fruit long before or maybe just a little while before it is ripe. We say: “There it is…I can see it! Oh, I know it’s not quite ripe, but I’m hungry!” So we pick the fruit before its season and we eat it, and it sours in our stomach, bringing sorrow and bitterness into our lives. Why? Because it was not quite God’s time. In His time the fruit would have been full and sweet and nutritious. But when we insist upon our timing, particularly in relationships, we experience frustration and bitterness.

            The desires within us are normal. The most deep and precious love between two people, ordained by God, is for their blessing and enjoyment. But that love must have a proper expression and timing. When we hurry to our desire, then that which was ultimately meant for our greatest good is spoiled, and can become the greatest evil by turning our hearts away from the Lord. Wait upon God! He wants to give you the very best. Take encouragement from Solomon’s assurance: “I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him” (Eccles. 3:14). All the fruits of life and love have enduring value when we allow God to give them to us in His time.

The Christian’s Pursuit

So, in practical terms, what do we do? Wait around forever, doing nothing, only hoping and wishing “the spirit will move” in our behalf? No! Practical Christianity is not passive; as vital Christians we are on the move in the arena of faith! God says to Christians today who seriously want to honor Him in their relationships: “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you” [italics added] (Matt. 6:33). Let me put it another way. We will never know God’s perfect choices for our life by setting out to find a wife or a husband. We don’t learn of God’s will by experimentation with this, that or the other person. God’s perfect plan for our life is revealed when we seek only Him and leave all the variables in His hands. Does that sound a little radical? It is! To put it plainly, this kind of thinking opens “a can of worms” in our society.

            Many argue: “Well, if I don’t date, how will I get to know anyone, and be able to make a wise choice?” That sounds reasonable enough, but it is not God’s way. We do not know the will of God by trial and error. That is the world’s way. Contrary to the way of the world, the Lord Jesus says to men and women: “Take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you” (Matt. 6:31-33).

            Why is there so much confusion among Christians about relationships? It is because many seek relationships before they seek the Lord. Remember when you first heard the Lord’s call to you: “Follow me”? Did you say: “OK Lord, I’ll follow you if…”? Is your commitment to the Lord conditioned upon whether or not you first find a wife or a husband? God calls us to leave all and follow Him. Yes, it is very costly, but we can trust the lover of our souls. He only wants to give us the very best. My challenge to young men and women is to lay aside your plans and get on with serving the Lord. Get into regular fellowships with God’s people (Acts 2:42). Take each opportunity you can to serve the Lord with His people in the work. Paul wrote to young Timothy: “Watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry” (II Tim. 4:5). Peter further assures us: “If these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ: (II Pet. 1:8).

The Christian’s Behavior

            As young men and women seek first the Lord and allow Him to lead them into relationships, there is then a specific behavior that should characterize those relationships. The apostle Paul gave to Timothy a very basic principle upon which to relate to young women. He instructed him to treat “the younger [women] as sisters, with all purity” [italics added] (I Tim. 5:2). Purity is the guiding principle for relationships between brothers and sisters. Quite a contrast to the looseness we see dominating most of society today! The behavior of unmarried men and women to each other should be as a brother and sister, and the key to such relationships is purity! Many brothers and sister have a very difficult time getting close to each other without getting romantically involved, but it is something we need to learn before marriage. And after marriage, the only kind of relationships a man or woman can have with other besides his or her spouse is that of a brother and sister. For this reason it is valuable to learn before marriage how to relate in such a way. Young men and women’s behavior toward one another should be based upon friendship only until the Lord obviously leads them into a deeper kind of relationship; and this leading of the Lord can always be confirmed through sound counsel from mature spiritual leaders.

            Paul goes even further in his counsel. He instructs the Corinthians: “It is good for a man not to touch a woman” (I Cor. 7:1). Paul is not saying that brothers and sisters can never touch each other; he is writing in light of man’s affections. Of course, people today will say that holding hands or kissing does not matter and doesn’t really mean anything. That is all the more reason to stop that kind of behavior, because it should mean something, and it does matter! We always complain about words without action; well, action without words is as bad if not worse. To one, these actions may mean little or nothing, but that may not be the case with the other. We need to consider one another. A sister should be able to trust that the brother has the mind of the Lord and that he is behaving responsibly in light of what God wants, not in the light of what he wants.

            It is interesting to note that the New Testament refers to only three types of relationships between the sexes: husband to wife, parent to child, and brother to sister. There is no “boyfriend-girlfriend” relationship mentioned. This ambiguous pre-engagement arrangement is not according to God’s will. It is the product of a romantic age. If a man and a woman know it is God’s will for them to get married, they ought to get engages; otherwise, behave as brothers and sisters. They do not have exclusive claims on each other; and they have no right to give privileges to one another that God does not endorse. As Christians we should be able to fellowship with each other freely and within God’s will, and not be limited by unscriptural ties to one another.

            Granted, these thoughts are but an emphasis, but a much needed one in Christian lives. May they encourage and challenge you to prove the Lord’s faithfulness as you wait on Him only and allow Him to lead you into relationships. You may see that fruit long before it is ripe or just before it is ripe. Do not pick it before its season, before God’s time, lest it sour in your stomach! God wants to give you the best. He will lead you into such goodness that nothing could make it better, if you will trust Him for this area of your life. “This I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction” (I Cor. 7:35).

Gàbor Vecseri - OO

In the footsteps of my father

  

He is 17. He is in a new country with a one relative whom he has never seen. He doesn’t know the language, hasn’t finished high school, and owns only the clothes on his back. Who is he and how did he get there? The true story that I will share with you today is of my hero, my role-model, my father.

Before I can share this special connection with you, it is crucial first to explain my father’s background setting as a child in communist Hungary. Then I’ll share the fulfillment of a prophecy about him visiting America, and then finally life today - why he is my hero, and why I have chosen to follow in the footsteps of my father.

1. Background setting [family, birth date, war-torn country]

On the lovely, sunny, early spring day of March 28, 1956, Gabor Vecseri was born to Ibolya and Jozsef Vecseri. The only boy, he had one older sister named Agnes. Seven months later in October of 1956 the Hungarian Revolution broke out against the harsh communist rule.

As war was raging around them in the capital, Budapest, the Vecseri family went into hiding in the basement of their four-story apartment building. The basement had a dirt floor, low ceiling, it was cold, damp, dark and dirty and was used by some of the residents for storing coal in small cubicles for their apartments. Cooking there was difficult, smoke and smell had to be disguised so that the soldiers would not see and find them. Hygiene was non-existent. Water was scarce and the pipes were lead. Hiding there for an extended period of time took a toll on the baby boy. He became very ill with a stomach virus and neared death. His father, however, remembered an old wives tale and decided to venture out to find a cure for his son. At night he found a dead Russian soldier, put on the uniform and went to a city park in search of wild chestnuts to make brew out of them. It was this brave expedition that saved my father’s life as a baby.

As a child, my dad was weak and sickly, spending weeks in the hospital every year with his stomach illness. Otherwise a normal little boy, -quite cute from the pictures- he liked to play by himself, and was very attached and affectionate with his family. When he did not talk yet at age three his parents thought it must be the result of a head injury at age one, but thankfully it wasn't, he was just a deep thinker. In school he did well in math and science, not so good in language, but did better than average even in the hated Russian language. Thus began my father’s life of growing up in communist Hungary.

            My grandmother, Ibolya or as we know her Nagymama, worked several jobs in the medical field under the communist regime. Daytime she was a nurse, at night she did pedicure in private homes, besides being a mother and cooking meals from scratch and washing clothes by hand. My grandfather, Jozsef or Nagypapa, was one of the most educated men in Hungary. As a matter of fact, he was the first secretary of the president of the railroad before World War II. The war brought in the Soviet rule, the communist party, which stripped Nagypapa of his high position because he refused to become a party member. He said he valued integrity more than to sell out his soul and become part of their ‘regime’. However, he was able to keep a job at the railroad because of his education and his exceptional work ethic.

While still in middle school, my dad visited his father’s work. There he helped with the homework of the other communist party members, who were still laboring to earn their high school education; and yet those “workers” sat around drinking and partying all day. They hadn’t even finished high school, yet they made more money than my grandpa. To you and me, it seems this would’ve created a harbor for bitterness against that kind of work, but my dad decided that he wanted to be a mechanical engineer working with trains. Instead of going to regular high school, he went to a Railroad Technical School. He planned to continue education at the technical university to become a Railroad engineer. However, shortly after he turned 17 and just before his senior year, an opportunity arose for him to visit his mother’s sister, Aunt Maria who had left Hungary to come to America during WWII. So it was arranged for my dad to visit the United States for one month, then he would come back and his sister Agnes would go. According to the plan, she would stay in America to have a better future. Little did everyone know, there was a different, divine plan at work. My dad’s Aunt Maria had a dream as a little girl that was yet to be fulfilled. But up until that point, it had been long forgotten.

2. The fulfillment of prophecy

In this prophetic dream, Aunt Maria was playing marbles with her sister, Ibolya. They both had a red and a blue marble. In the game, Nagymama’s blue marble rolled over to Aunt Maria and stayed there. This was a foreshadowing of the future, for when Gabor visited America, his one month visit quickly turned into months, then years until at last it became permanent.

His parents, being concerned about his future in a strange country, were very upset about him leaving home at such a young age. It did not fit their plan, but God had a higher plan. 

With his aunt in Chicago, my dad learned several skills in the construction and real estate management industries. During this period of my dad’s life, God grabbed hold of his heart and he got saved. This was a fulfillment of countless prayers by his late grandmother who died before his birth. After his salvation, he traveled to several revivals and churches around the States to gain knowledge of God and the Scriptures. He learned from many spiritual giants and mentors. 

For the next ten years, he worked with other Hungarians in Chicago. One such man of my Nagypapa’s age, Mr. Dobos, became my dad’s spiritual mentor, a second father. Little did they know that my dad’s parents in Budapest were hosting a Hungarian boy in their home who happened to be Mr. Dobos’s son. The two families became good friends and the Dobos’s have remained a second family to my dad. 

After a series of unfortunate events at work, my father was reminded of his childhood dream of attending a technical school. His father's encouragement to continue his education motivated him to apply at a university in Tulsa, Oklahoma where he later received his bachelor’s and master’s degrees in Mechanical Engineering. There he met my mother, who was working towards her bachelor’s degree in Sacred Music. They got married after graduation and the happy couple two-stepped to Houston, Texas as a result of an excellent job offer for my dad. Two years later, I was born. My parents bought their first house and six other siblings quickly followed. As he became established, my grandparents at last gave thanks for the divine provision through which my dad could raise seven children, which would have not been possible in communist Hungary. We matured, our father began teaching us about our family heritage. He even took us to visit our grandparents and the places where he grew up in Budapest. This brings our story up to the present, and now I will share with you why my dad is my hero.

3. Present time - why he is my hero

During our last family trip to Hungary, my father pointed to an old black-and-white baby photo hanging in one of the bedrooms of my grandparents’ house. He asked me, “Who is that up there?” I looked at the picture, which seemed strangely familiar from my poor recollections, and I guessed that it was me as an infant. Dad turned to me and said, “That’s me.” Somehow, that occasion became the most precious event in my relationship with my father. We think alike, talk alike, and even look alike in those cute baby pictures! This may sound natural; after all he is my father. However, it was the defining moment in our relationship and the beginning of our special bond as father and daughter. Through my father's difficult childhood, his character was refined to make him into the person he is today. He works hard to provide the best that he can for us kids yet he reminds us of how privileged we are by using his experiences to teach us good character. My favorite example of this is our debate discussions that sometimes go long into the night as we try to piece a case together. My father's background provides insights to the arguments that I would not have come up with on my own. It is the little moments like these that I treasure. I stop and realize that the more I learn of my father’s heritage, the more I can relate to him because in growing older, I become like him.

                                                                                                                                                           

I am 18, finishing high school and working two part-time jobs. This fall I am planning to go back to Hungary, to my father’s home country to learn the language and the culture of our people. I know my life’s story is being written by the Heavenly Father, while I am following in the footsteps of my earthly hero, my dad.

Busyness

I am terribly sorry that I haven't posted anything for a while; school is very time-consuming these days. Come to think of it, I think I have a few notes typed up that need to be finished and posted here. Please pray that I will be able to concentrate long enough to keep my train-of-thought going! I desperately need help in that area....*goes off to finish posts*

Candybar Maker 3 Doll

I had no other place to put this, so I'll put it here.

PSAT Day

Today I took the PSAT, in an actual high school. It was definitely an experience! I think I shall refer to high schools as “human zoos” from now on…lol. ;) Seriously, there were so many people that I kind of got disoriented just walking through the cafeteria to the main office. But I still want to go to school. I’m not exactly sure why I want to, but I guess it’s just because I’ve only been home schooled, and one always wants what they can’t have. Murphy’s law again. (Don’t you ever wonder who is Murphy?) Anyways, it gets annoying to be your own teacher: you give yourself the quizzes and tests, then grade them, and then you have to record them so that you can average out your grade for the school year. Although one thing I don’t mind is that I can wake up later (but not too much later) than kids who go to school…and I can do school in my PJs when I can’t seem to put together an outfit. I do know one thing; if I did go to school, I’d get up early and be awake for my classes, but as soon as I got home, I’d fall asleep for two hours. Then I would get to bed really late and therefore be really tired the next day and the pattern would continue. So I guess those are the pros and cons of both going to school and home schooling. But I also need to remember that G-d put me where I am for a special purpose that is part of His plan for my life, and I need to bloom where I am planted. I guess that’s it for now.

English (the subject in school)

Why, oh why do they make you learn to call parts of speech the "subject predicate" and other fancy titles when they are just plain nouns or verbs? I guess I'm not cut out to be an English major or teacher, so I think I'll try Engineering, or something interesting like that. Right now I'm already struggling to find something else to right about (this is why I don't keep a diary) . Ah! This is really bad: I'm making myself bored.... Oh, well. I'd best get back to studying for the PSAT which I take tomorrow morning. Tata!

Total Randomness!

Hey peoplez! Welcome to my blog. I'll be your host (who has background whatsoever in hosting things ;) ) who will hopefully try not to bore you to no end. I wish there was more to say at the moment, but alas, there is nothing. Maybe, just maybe, I might write up something more extensive later; but until then, farewell!